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前生佛爱悟

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发表于 2018-12-6 15:03:58 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
2018年8月从北京回来,完成了对自己的第二个十年之约。他几年前就结婚了,那一年我第一个公司成立。

这一晃,我从20岁的小姑娘变成了30岁的中年女人,时光如此不公,他快乐无比,我可怜之极,5年追一个男人,倒贴的情感加上时间和空间,他用3个月换了新人,眼睛都有不带眨,潇洒的给你画上了前半生的句号。

我去北京不是为了纪念他,而是用时间去踩点,对于一个开始懂得时空的人,很明白自己在说什么,有些人有些爱需要时间才能懂得,这一杯烈酒不算苦涩,或许还有那么一点甘甜,这就是人生送给你最好的礼物!你接受,它存在,你不接受,它也存在。

从北京回来没过多久,在我喜欢的8月,网上遇到了一个喜欢的类型,倔脾气但是温柔,强烈的自我意识,自傲、自漫甚至自恋,但是他像闹钟一样准点在中午吃饭时候,悄悄的告诉你,宝贝该吃饭了。然后我一点点依赖上这个闹钟,一种平静如水的依赖,情感关闭了10年,又是上一个轮回的延续,我喜欢的类型基本上像机器人一样,帅气挺拔模特范社会团体型外加人格分裂,但是这10年里,似乎除了统一的外貌,更多的是内向的投射,是我变了还是我不再爱当年的他们了?

和小哥哥,半个月甜蜜如期,然后就是直接冷战,和好两天又冷战,都没有任何过场和言语,网恋这种精神不知道现在的90、00甚至异地恋朋友是怎么熬过来的?可能喜欢现在他的时候,我的过去一直在拼命的撕扯我,那浪费的5年时光和关闭的10年深深刺痛着我,时刻告诉另一个我自己,和爱情比女人爱自己更重要,反反复复他已经不再是他了,终于,情感丰富且女人情怀的他再一次说,我们不合适。

   第一次是10年前,第二次10年后,现在的我,不会再哭泣,不会再执着,轻轻说了“对不起,打搅了!”秒删。

   本以为喜欢的淡然无痕,原来爱的很深,2个月没有出门,一个月关闭自己重新装修房子,在这期间爆瘦了20斤,这是10年前我从北京回来的数字,数字是回去了,但是人确永远的停在原地。

  有本书叫“念念不忘,必有回响”,在我想了他2个月后分手的同一天,他在同样的地方回来了,但是这次很不幸,居然换人了!可以说换的很彻底,来了个脾气更火爆的,更理性更无情,时尚冷酷天性残忍,同一张脸下有一个5段感情和一个2 个感情的生物,5段感情温柔倔强认知水平较低,2段感情火辣聪颖高要求高情商,我把这两个生物放在同一个空间就 是为了搞清楚真假美猴王的故事,和你们想的一样,第一个盗用第二个照片和身份,我还爱的死去活来,其实,我搞不清楚是过去太痛,还是爱他们太假,第二个他看我和第一个的爱的深厚,感觉自己从真身变成了替身,那滋味也是他人生的第一次吧!

  第一个走了,第二个和我说,我们还是朋友是吧?谁跟你是朋友?继续上一任历史关系,你是我的男朋友!看着他变化多端的状态,我们也陷入了冷战中,第三天受不了直接删除了我,每段关系,我都是被挨打的,但事实的真相是一个转身的距离,每一个不合适的背后都是等我先回头,爱过了是有痕迹的,我又不是男人!开始明白原来口是心非不仅仅只有女人才有的专利,可能我爱上的都是孩子,释迦佛尼说真正爱你的人一定会来,没有列外!

为了他!于是,我开了第二家公司佛爱悟,一家服务大众情感的实践分析派。





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